The title of this particular blog should give you some metaphorical insight about the stability of my mental health AND what kept my mind preoccupied this week. I meant to post yesterday, but depression sucked all the creative life out of me. It’s ironic because I started minor investments early last year, originally in a friend’s business plan that I had to back out of at the last minute, and then the stock market, not knowing a damn thing about investing. This is about the same time that I began investing in my mental health as well. I treated my mental health like a pump & dump; put in max effort for a bit, reap the benefits and then you’re all set. UM NO BITCH. You have to be in these things for the long haul, and the biggest investment you will ever make is in yourself. Healing is not linear. Some days you will be thriving, and everything is going your way. Enjoy and have gratitude on these days. But the real work is in the hard shit. The days or weeks that just won’t let up, that’s where the lessons are. For instance—being a single mom, in nursing school, running a household, in trauma therapy, dumping most of my savings into my car, just to find out I also have to replace the engine. I spiraled out of control. The CPTSD brain handles stress the same way you would if you were being chased by a tiger. Fight or flight. Cortisol goes into overdrive and you can’t think straight. I drank too much, destroyed relationships, and spent an entire week in bed, in the throes of shame and depression. But today, I had to remind myself of who I am (with help from a few friends and family) and that I needed to get the fuck up and take some action. So here I am, taking accountability for my own healing, my health, and my sobriety. I have also been putting off a huge English essay that is due today so I’m going to push through and get that shit done. Thanks again everyone who keeps pushing me, and sharing their own struggles. I HEAR YOU and I’m here for you. We got this bbys, xoxo LB

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